Lapp Dancing

Woman with clipboard: Hello Miss!
Olga Whim: Are you selling me something?
Woman with clipboard: No. Stress test...
Olga Whim: You’re a Scientologist.
Woman with clipboard: No, yes…Stress test?
Olga Whim: You’re all mad.
Woman with clipboard: Ok.

[…]


Girl with flyer: Comedy?
Olga: No.
Girl with flyer: You don’t want to laugh?
Olga: No
Girl with flyer: You hear that, doesn’t want to laugh- Never!
Olga: That’s right.

The best way to deal with this scenario is to let them catch your eye, indulge the conspiratorial smile, allow them to make the approach, and when they’re just close enough, whisper, “Don’t even think about it.” Menacingly.

[…]

I did laugh again however, against my will. The following transcript is translated from Scandowegian.

Gertrude: Yes Olga, I think you have a point- the emergence of previously non-existent sexual swearwords being used against girls in school playgrounds across Ikea is certainly an indicator of the increasing sexualisation of children.

Olga: And then there’s the Pratz dolls, not to mention the, how do you say, “pole-dancing kits” being sold to kids as part of the weekly shop.

Gertrude: What is “pole-dancing”

Olga: Um…well, you know, (raised eyebrows, asymmetric smile) when a woman sort of dances round a pole…

Gertrude: What?

Olga: She takes her clothes off, or she doesn’t wear clothes, and the mens, they pay money, (absurd gesticulation).

Gertrude: What is the pole?

Olga: Like a….stave? For the mens.

Pause.

Gertrude: Oh….you mean like a, a porn-club?

Olga: (Desperately swallowing an avalanche of laughter) Yes.

Gertrude: And the children?

Olga: They are selling the poles to children- at the supermarket! Don’t look at me like that! It’s true, they say it’s for training- I mean exercise, for the childrens.

Class bell rings, Gertrude looks relieved.

Gertrude: Well, see you all next week.

Previously silent male classmates: Cheers, bye.

Olga: Google it, google “children’s pole dancing.” …God NO! No don’t do that, VERY bad pictures.

END.